The willow tree is a relatively small tree without much of a trunk. Its branches are long and bending and give the appearance of being weak and fragile. Yet, when the storm rages it is the willow tree that stands strong. Under the earth the roots of the willow tree run long and wide; these roots hold the willow tree in place during the attacks from the violent winds. The deceptive branches are also a strength for the willow tree. Without a large trunk the willow tree branches are long and pliable. During the raging storm, the branches move and stretch with the wind. Ever bending, never breaking.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning~~Psalm 30:5
For this our light and transitory burden of suffering is achieving for us a preponderating, yes, a vastly preponderating, and eternal weight of glory; ~~2 Corinthians 4:17
Yesterday had it's ups: my hematocrit rose to 33 so I was able to be treated despite other counts not being good, was finally allowed to have a flu shot which was given at no charge, as of yesterday successful completion of 20 radiation/4 chemo treatments, good transport rides/drivers, sharing with fellow travelers on this cancer journey, rides all set up for next weeks medical appointments, a dear friend got a new job and took me out to a dine in place to celebrate.
Yesterday had it's downs: my platelets continue to plummet they are down another 10 points (another 10 and I can't be treated until I have a transfusion of just platelets), a pharmacy refused to fill my pain prescriptions (she didn't outright accuse me of being a drug addict but it was clearly implied in a very public place with at least 7 other persons to hear it all), my radiation burns are worsening daily they are internal and external in very sensitive areas (to say the least) and when having to USE the body functions in that area it is (as Pooh would say, "quite unpleasant"). Sitting, standing and walking aren't simple tasks I can take for granted either, pain meds help but there are logistics to even these easy things.
My friend took me to get my prescriptions filled before going to eat and I don't carry my meds around with me as they are heavy duty narcotics so if my purse were snatched or something else ugly I don't want them in there. When I couldn't get those meds filled we simply went to eat but for the first time in a very long time I was able to be completely relaxed in public without concern for an unwanted "bleeding episode" and I was enjoying myself so much I forgot it was way past time for my meds. On the day I have both types of treatment I really need to stay on my med course as those two really whack my body. Yesterday I had both treatments, wasn't able to fill those prescriptions so there I was out without any meds and by the time I got home it was horrible; ain't gonna lie, horrible enough I was crying, thanking Him for the pain knowing my monster is being killed and that's why I hurt but crying, too. Some days are like that in life, not just a journey to rid oneself of cancer.
I took my meds at home and about 45 minutes later I began to feel better; today I'm having spurts of energy so cleaned my chest freezer, rested, cleaned the fridge interior, rested, cleaned the fridge freezer section, rested, cleaned the kitchen pantry, rested, straightened my bedroom, rested, spruced the bathroom, rested and now am posting this, tada! When I'm done with this ladies and gents, I am going to work on some pergamango crafting, which isn't work for me but relaxing fun and afterwards I will vacuum the carpets.
No weeping today, I pray.
And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.
Mark: 5:34
Hello! What a day you went through; the highs, the lows, the energy, the pain, the enjoyment, the crying - just reading through it made ME tired. I wish I could be there in person to hug you but I can't... I CAN offer a long distance hug and continued prayers. And while I know you realize there are many who are praying and rejoicing and crying right along with you, including me, there is no way that we can truly understand just what it is like for you to have to deal with this 24/7. Thankfully there is One who does truly understand, and thankfully He can do what we cannot.
ReplyDelete"This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope. Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23.
Love and Prayers,
Jody
P.S. Did you know the Weeping Willow is my very favorite tree?
Daily, I am following your journey, through your writings. Every post is so touching to me. I pray this is healing for you too.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to pass along something I read in another blog, where a daughter is writing about her mothers journey with gastric cancer. (from http://beneathmyheart.blogspot.com/2009/08/liquid-prayers.html)
I was sitting with her in the room when the nurse came in to put the IV in Mom’s arm. Mom looked more beautiful than ever to me.
As the nurse was inserting the IV, Mom began to tell her how wonderful the nurses have been to her over the past few weeks. She said, “You ladies have all been so precious and gentle. You are the best! It has been like “heaven” here. I can feel your love in the care you give.”
As I sat in the chair and listened, the tears began welling up in my eyes. I thought, “There she goes again….encouraging others.” Even though Mom is going through the most difficult period of her life, she is thinking of others. She is always thinking of how to bless others. It’s nothing new to me. I’ve seen it all my life. It’s in her DNA.
I was trying so hard to be strong and not cry in front of her but then Mom looked up at me, noticed my watery eyes and said, “Oh, Traci…”
I blinked, and the tears began rolling down my cheeks.
“It’s okay, sweetie, you can cry.” she said.
I apologized for not being stronger and tried to “dry it up” before my older sister came back in and saw me. She had told me to stay strong.
Then she looked at me with such love and said, “You know what tears are, don’t you?”
I shook my head “no”.
“Tears are liquid prayers that flow straight to the heart of God.”
Oh, Mom, you have done it again. Always delivering the perfect words for my hurting heart.
“Then God’s getting flooded.” I said with a smile.
She sat there peacefully as they administered the chemo. Beside her chair was her Bible, some books on healing, and a tape with headphones on healing from her cousin, Peggy.
So Ginger, weep if you must, the tears will go straight to Gods heart as liquid prayers.
With love,
Judy