From Kansas To Oz

From Kansas To Oz is a book recently given me by my ACS navigator.  This well written book feels as if the author, Gail Larson, stepped inside my body and began to write about my monstrous experience.  I urge each of you to read this easy book and perhaps then you might begin to truly know how I and countless others on this journey feel through this ordeal.  Right now the main thing I feel is fatigue so bad it is an effort of every fiber of my being to just sit up much less try to do anything else.  Have I mentioned lately I hate cancer??????  I hate what it does to a person, it alters you even when you closely guard yourself against it.  It invades every aspect of your life; yet in some ways this monster has made me less fragile.  My trip from Kansas to Oz is not remotely over but like Dorothy and her traveling companions the trip is made easier together even though each must face his/her own demons along the way.

I had to skip one week of treatment as I was in too bad of condition for it but I did have one last week.  It wasn't pleasant but it didn't knock me to the ground as badly.  Remember, I am a person who rarely took even Tylenol in the past and to have radiation then and chemo now you gotta know my body is screaming NO No NO! to all it's being subjected to.  I detest all the side effects and frankly they make me cry out in helplessness at times.  Not having control over one's body fluids is frightening, mortifying and reduces me to child-like begging for mercy to make it stop.  There is nothing pretty or romantic about dealing with the treatment effects; it's dehumanizing in my opinion.  Sorry to be so brutal here but I did say long ago in this blog I would try to tell the whole picture.  One of you may have to endure what I am going through and I want you to be prepared as best you can on what to possibly expect.  Please know my fervent prayer is that none of you has to go through this.

I continue to have transfusions by my count I believe I've had 8 sets of platelets.  They are 6 units each. Then there are the 60 separate units of red blood cells.  And the counts will continue to go on.  I was able to have a treatment from the 'butt' doctor last week.  I got a triple dose treatment since I'd not been there in over 5 weeks and it was a rough session however things are healing in that department.  Each week of chemo  treatment means I spend at least 4 days being messed up and/or running back and forth for more shots, hydration or transfusions.  Nothing about this process is cut and dried.  Seems each time some new side effect attacks me.....whoo hooo...I'm a poster child for all things goofy.

On the plus side, I was blessed with two new wigs from the ACS navigator.  They are so real looking you cannot tell they aren't my real hair.  I still have my lashes and eyebrows along with a smattering of fuzz on top of my head but for how long I can't say.  The wigs make me feel a little pretty, something I need to feel because the steroids have me blown up like a puffer fish.

That's it for this time, I simply have to get off this chair.  I love you all and pray daily for you....I don't need to know you to love and pray for you.  Until next time, follow the yellow brick road!