Faithfully Hoping

 

A new year, a time for faith and hope that this is when my health is fully restored.  From November 2008 to date I've been either battling cancer or the treatment/side effects of this monster.  Each day I pray for guidance and strength to go forth.  In recent weeks chemo has been kicking me to the curb, but by God's grace I continue to climb back into an upright position and keep fighting back; some days I found myself standing in the shower crying and singing Christmas carols until I began to feel somewhat better (chemo sent my body into a tailspin where my blood counts were in danger zones and wearing the 'real Victoria's secret'...diapers, was necessary).  Let me remind you of my stance on this illness: I hate cancer!!

This time around it's gonna be strictly chemotherapy and already my oncologist is telling me I am a poster child for its side effects...yea me; after all since I've had so much fun with radiation why not chemo as well?  Initially my treatments were to be 1 huge dose every 3 weeks for 3 months but my system was in such poor shape Dr. L opted to give me only a partial dose the first time.  She said her concerns were that I'd go into a tailspin and die from the treatment if I had a full dose.  Turns out even the partial dose was way  too much and 2 days after treatment I was in the hospital for 5 days trying to get my body under control; including 3 blood transfusions.  I was ok for 2 days after leaving the hospital when I got some virus and until 2 days ago I've been about as sick and miserable physically as I ever want to be again.  Last week Wednesday I had 6 units of platelets and yesterday another 2 units of blood transfused.  Today I feel very tired, tonight I start taking my pre-treatment meds and tomorrow I have my 2nd chemo treatment.  Dr. L has changed the plan to much lower dosages but on a once a week basis.  I am prepared for the worst but hoping for the best after treatment this time; the trouble with chemo is the side effects can change each time I have treatment...whoooo hooo!

Oh and by the way, my long tresses are just a memory.  5 days ago, like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, my hair just began to fall out in chunks so I took a scissors to it, cutting off the long parts.  I only have a few wisps left...kind of Donald Trump-like.  I've picked out a couple of wigs and have some gorgeous satin fabrics to make scarves.  Yeah, I cried about the hair, not so much for the hair itself as for it being one more, of many, indignities in the process of getting rid of this particular cancer monster.  Without my hair I will now be seen by many as a cancer patient instead of just myself; because the fact is I am just me, a precious child of God and I refuse to let that monster define or confine me.

On a final note for this post I ask for prayers also for my friend of nearly 40 yrs who recently began treatment for multiple myeloma and a family member with prostrate cancer.  My friend is tolerating experimental treatment well and the other had surgery where the doctor said he was 85% sure he got it all.  Nothing about battling these monsters is simple for anyone.  I hate cancer and I especially hate it invading those whom I love.  So please be an angel and pray for them, thanks!

What Do Angels Look Like?

Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday.
Like the taxi driver that told you that your eyes light up the world when you smile.
Like the small child who showed you the wonder in simple things.
Like the poor man who offered to share his lunch with you.
Like the rich man who showed you that it really is all possible, if only you believe.
Like the stranger who just happened to come along, when you had lost your way.
Like the friend who touched your heart, when you didn't think you had one to touch.
Angels come in all sizes and shapes,
all ages and skin types.
Some with freckles, some with dimples,
some with wrinkles, some without.
They come disguised as friends, enemies,
teachers, students, lovers and fools.
They don't take life too seriously,
they travel light.
They leave no forwarding address,
they ask nothing in return.
They wear sneakers with gossamer wings,
they get a great deal on dry cleaning.
They are hard to find when your eyes are closed,
But they are everywhere you look, when you choose to see.