Give The Little Lady A Kewpie Doll

Yessiree, step up and give out that prize Kewpie to the lady wearing that hospital gown, the one with those puncture marks all over her arms.  She wins the prize for correctly diagnosing her physical ailment.   The truth is the only prize I remotely desire is my health which isn't going too well these daze (yes, all puns intended).

Radiation Proctitis is its' official name.  I got pictures and everything; which I've opted not to share here (yes, I do have some sense of decency) and at the least they are frightening to look at.....not the sort of images one whips out during friendly gatherings.  Why do I feel so stupid at not knowing 75% of all radiation, such as what I had, results in this condition?  75%!!!!!!  I knew some eventual radiation damages would most likely come knocking but after putting signs and symptoms together I've most likely had this nasty creep gnawing away at me since internal radiation blasted the monster.  This does explain the continued lack of blood even though treatments had ended, the pain and all the other 'goodies' which accessorize this nasty creep.

Not to sound like I just fell off the Good Ship Lollipop, but when do I get a break?  Oh of course I'll keep going forward and YES I am STILL praising GOD for His tender mercies in my life, but even Jesus had His moments in that dark garden.  I'd really enjoy the resurrection of my health.  And lest I forget, we have a week to wait for biopsy results to make sure it's just a nasty creep and not also his pal, monster.

Blessings and hugs to my kiddo today for being with me throughout the 6 needle sticks searching for a vein, for being the first face I saw when I woke up from the procedure, for watching her normally composed mom fall to pieces when being told to basically live with this situation and thanks for her understanding I ain't settling for that type of ending in this saga. I love you more than you'll ever know; oh and I appreciated you tucking me into the gurney with a warm blanket while saying, "there you are, as snug as a bug in a rug."

And so dear, dear ones, the battle for regaining some shred of physical healing goes on.  For now I must get off this chair and rest if I can; then back to the front lines in the morning.

You must learn to live in the present and accept yourself for what you are now.
What you lack in flexibility and agility you must make up with knowledge
and constant practice.
-   Bruce Lee