Yesterday's procedure took from 8:45 AM to 6:30 PM. None of the tubes had to be repositioned this time which meant I was only moved to the CT scan table once, then back to the comfy cart. However, while I was kept medicated, watered and warm the fact is I felt physically depressed: meaning I felt like one does when one has the flu. We all know how physically depleting having the flu is on our bodies. Essentially I'm required to put my body into a flu-like state in preparation of this implant. Missing fluids make the body sluggish, at best; now add in trying to deal with this while a substantial blood volume is missing and things get really ugly. Feeling weak, cold, bones/joints aching deeply. It's nearly Noon on Saturday right now and I still feel really lousy. Oh and guess what.....Dr. B expects me to be in the hospital at 5:30 AM Monday morning for the final implant surgery to begin at 7:30 AM.......wow, what fun. Not sure I'll make it right now. Not sure at all.
I'm trying really hard right now to focus on what precious adventures lie ahead; health, becoming a grandmother, hopefully seeing my family again one day soon. I certainly look towards filling my time with normal things (no cancer is allowed!) Right now, today I must focus on being ready for Monday's events; if I want to be the victor in this monstrous battle I have no choice but to suck it up. How does anyone do this without God first and foremost in their lives? There are times, like right now, when even with Him, I can barely make it! To not have His hand in my healing process is unthinkable to me.
I'm going to try to take a short walk then maybe indulge in a small piece of fruit (can't be eating a bunch since I have to keep the system cleared as much as possible) They say it's always darkest before dawn and I'm really looking forward to this darkness being lifted from my body. In my spirit I still rejoice, I still give thanks.
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.~Psalm 30: 10-12
Hey Sis,
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be there with you right now. I know that I would not be able to do anything for the pain or battering you feel, wouldn't be able to transfuse you, or get you ready for your next procedure. But I would be able to give you a real hug and just sit with you, just be there. But because I am here I will resort to the one and only thing I CAN do, and will continue to do, and that is to continue to lift you up to the One who IS with you through it all, right there with you, doing what I cannot do. And I will praise Him for once again taking my place. I love you and cannot wait until the day when your last treatment is done and you get the glorious news that your monster is gone! For now, I leave you with our Father:
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’