My New 'Family'

On July 30, 2009 the harsh diagnosis was first officially spoken. August 14, 2009 came the second time it was spoken. August 19, 2009 is the third time and at that point I fully accepted it as fact.

Cervical cancer, stage IV; inoperable, 5 days weekly for 5 weeks external radiation; additionally, 1 chemo treatment per week for 5 weeks. Upon completion of those there will be 5 internal radiation treatments. To date the tumor has not invaded anywhere else, although it has long been squishing my bladder, now is also pressing on the rectal wall and the uterus. Very fast growing mass, wasn't even visible to machine nor pelvic exams back in April 2009, now completely obscures the cervix. I'll spare the gory details but will state sitting/standing/laying down has gotten to be all about logistics.

Before the diagnosis it was a nightmare trying to get medical help; this problem has been an on-going nightmare since late November 2008 (yes, I said 2008). I kept getting handed off to the next medical clinic up the chain and was waiting for the final step when I nearly died from blood loss; on July 28, 2009 I went to the emergency room where over the course of the next 3 days I was given 5 transfusions. (obviously those worked, I'm still here)

Although I was a bit more perky with the added blood it's changed nothing as relates to my everyday life. Doing heavy labor for a living isn't possible with this condition; simple tasks like walking in the grocery store or just taking a ride in a car have been kept to a minimum due to unexpected 'episodes' of blood loss. Other than trying to get the help I needed my day to day life has been revolving around my condition (and seriously, I was told I simply needed a hysterectomy). It's been hard not being able to work but I've been so blessed to have folks drop by with food, pre-paid gift cards to use for paying phone and electric bills.

Here's the thing: the gory details of what has been taking place since November 2008 are written in my journal. In here I want to begin going forward; I have so much good going for me! Other than this little cancer issue I am in excellent health! It seems incongruous that I have cancer and this is preventing me from living a real life right now! I've got loving family and beautiful friends; kind neighbors and finally I've also got a marvelous team of doctors who tell me they believe I am going to come through this successfully!

On August 20th & 21st, 2009, I had my first radiation treatments and officially joined my new family: the family of us who are fighting cancer.
This is my journey.